All That Timey Wimey Stuff
by boosweirdtimeywimeystuff
Summary: When you're almost 10,000 years old and everyone is gone you get lonely. When Death is on your side, things could get better. And when you're thrown into Asgard and surrounded by your mortal enemy, life starts sucking again. Can he ever defeat the ducks? Better yet, how will he go trying to help raise a Trickster and a Warrior? Good thing he's the son of a Marauder. SLASH flirting.
1. Chapter 1

Harry was back again. Back where it all began, and where it all ended. The beautiful yet haunting pearly white expanse of Kings Cross Station. It was empty but for the familiar figure dressed in a black cloak, its face shadowed.

Death was different in each realm he visited, but it always recognised Harry, and it always helped him. Death was merciful, Death was kind. But Death was also friends with its Master and it knew that while its Master often wished to move on into peace and sleep like so many others he had known, it was impossible. So instead, Death tried to give its Master something worth living for in each realm he visited. And it had an idea for this next trip. That is, if its Master was willing to move on.

"Death," Harry said cordially. "It has been quite a while don't you think? I managed almost five hundred years this time! I think that's a new record – excluding my first life that is," he said with a wry grin.

"Indeed it is," came the amused reply. "I must say I was not expecting you to manage to last so long. Usually you require my services within the first few decades. I do recall that once you came to me after three hours."

"Oi! I thought we agreed that we would never mention that particular incident! And besides, that wasn't even you, that was a _way_ more feminine version who had to deal with me that time. I think it was quite sad that we didn't get to spend more time together actually," Harry said cheekily. "It was a real hoot, probably the funniest version of Death I've met so far. Much better than the third bastard, not cheerful at all."

"And here I thought I was your favourite. I'm wounded."

"Aw, buba, you know I love you and I'll never be able to choose. You're all just so damn loveable."

Death snorted. "Yes, and that's why you've always gotten along so well with all of us."

"It's not my fault half of you bastards don't like me 'cause I'm such a pain in the ass to kill and you know you'll never get my soul. It pisses most of you off a bit, even though most of you gits try to hide it."

Death considered Harry for a minute. "This is true, you the bane of every Death's existence-"

"Oi-!"

"And yet we all love you. It's hard not to, you are both our child and our father. And I'm pretty sure that means you've committed incest."

"You just had to ruin the moment didn't you?" Harry asked dryly.

"You know I love you buba," Death said, using Harry's own words against him. "Now onto business, have you decided yet? You must be bored with this planet, correct? You spent almost 500 years there, and you're, what, around 10,000 years old now?"

"9,826 actually, but nice guess work. And yeah, I have. I'd like to move on to a new dimension, if you don't mind."

"Of course master. Do you have any requirements?"

Harry considered it for a while. What did he want? He'd been jumping across dimensions for almost 10,000 years now, and he hadn't had any decent friends for around 300. When he'd been blown up in that bomb during the war, he hadn't had to worry about any of his friends, just the faceless soldiers around him in what seemed to be Hiroshima. That seemed to be about right, Hiroshima, Japan. That nuclear bomb was a bitch, but he'd transported out as many of the children in the area he could. It was a shame he had had to let the event occur at all – he could have taken care of the pilot after he had taken off – but the event was a fixed point in time, kind of like in all of those freaky Doctor Who episodes he'd watched on his 15th planet. He'd watched so many people die. Had lost so many friends… he was _lonely_. 10,000 years was a long time, and he'd never really been able to spend much time with anyone without shit hitting the fan, and having to get the hell outta dodge. He was so, so lonely. So…

"I want a family," he said quietly. "I want to go somewhere where I won't be alone forever, somewhere that'll have people who live forever like me. Then I'll always have someone," he mumbled, looking down at his feet. "I won't have to loose everyone so fast."

Death smiled sadly at its charge. Every form of Death had been wondering when it would become too much for their Master, and now that he was so lonely, he wanted a family, _needed it_. He needed to have someone to spend eternity with, someone to love. And he wouldn't get that if he was forever with normal humans, as had been the norm. It would need to change.

"I can do that."

Harry's head snapped up, a sharp crack resounding around the air between them. "Really? I-I mean you can send me somewhere where I won't be the oldest? No one will die in the first century? They won't be mortal?" The hope in its Master's voice was overwhelming. The need for companionship, for love, for a place to call his own. This was what its Master had always wanted, but could never have. _Not until he asked_.

"Yes Harry, I can. It won't be Earth, but the planet I can send you to will have connections to Earth, in more ways than one. I can send you somewhere with humans, yes, but they are not known as humans where you will be sent. They are called gods - no capitals needed, by the way. I know you two don't get along."

Harry smiled again, some of his mischievous demeanour returning. "Ah, He really doesn't like me after that stint in Peru. Not my fault His followers decided that it was a good idea to sacrifice a few ducks to Him. All I said was that ducks was unholy bastards who deserve to rot in Hell where they can torment good old Luci." Death snorted. "What?" Harry asked defensively. "I don't like ducks."

"It wasn't just a few ducks, if I recall. It was more like every single one you could find. Where you found most of them, I'll never know. And you scared the locals when you started pulling them out of your ass like that."

"Whatever, you're just pissed you're not as awesome as me. Ducks from my pants right after the Holy Grail came out, they must have thought I was some kind of a witch. Especially when they saw me carrying around a piece of wood and a newt in my bag."

"Uh huh," Death said, unimpressed. "Back to the matter at hand… what do you think? They are just like humans, but they are what I believe you knew as Norse Gods. I know for a fact that Odin, Thor, Heimdall and Loki will be there."

"And they'll live forever? Just like me?"

"Yes," Death said gently, "Just like you. They will reach an age of maturity and then they will stop aging altogether. You will never be alone. So do you wish to go?"

Harry thought it over. A family. He could have a _family_. The gods wouldn't die of old age, they'd live for ever, be with him forever. He wouldn't be alone. "Hell yeah."


	2. Chapter 2

Quick Little Note:

First off, yes, I know that the Asgardians keep aging. But I don't want Harold to be forever alone. That'd just be mean.

Secondly, I don't care if you hate it. Constructive criticism is the best, but if you just want to vent, I really don't mind.

Third, please let me know about any major problems or spelling/grammatical errors in the story.

Also, this has nothing to do with Doctor Who, but there might be random references through the story. I mean, why not?

Also wanted to say thanks to robert32514. You were the first one to gimme a review. YAY!

Also, 'cause I feel like it, I wanna do something fun. **Your mission: Give me something random – a word or phrase, something you want the characters to do in the next few chapters, and I'll try to do it for you. **_**Make it as ridiculously outrageous as you want**_**.**

Anyway, I'm going to bed. My sugar high from those chocolate cupcakes is running out. Bye-bye bubbas.

PS: much as it pains me to say it, I don't own Harry Potter, Thor, or Avengers. Thankfully, I also own no type of bird or any other flying animal. That'd just give me nightmares.

Moving on now…

Inter-Realm Portals (Harry honestly had no better name for them) were always quite an interesting experience. Like Portkeys and Apparition all wrapped up in one, they managed to make him feel mildly ill, while at the same time he was hurdling through the vast nothingness around him at untold speeds. These untold speeds also had a firm belief in changing. This, Harry figured, was probably Death's way at getting back at him for his whole anti-death, 'Hell no I won't give you my soul,' holier than thou attitude. Not to mention his pranking habits and night-time activities. Continuing on that train of thought, Death couldn't really blame him for the incest; it was the 5th and 14th Death's faults too. By default, that really placed the blame on every Death. _Okay, that's gross. Try not to think about that._ The idea of incest with that grouchy old Death from world number 3 was horrific.

Getting back on track, while Inter-Realm Portalling was absolutely horrible because it gave him an unknown amount of time in the void before he reached his destination and that meant that he could think, it also gave him an unknown amount of time in the void before he reached his destination and that meant that he could _think._ You'd expect that having travelled to different worlds – different dimensions or realms actually, same world usually, but let's not get into that – Harry would have figured out an approximate time for each horrifyingly disconcerting flight. But no, it was just another thing Death liked to play around with in order to screw with him and induce an _extreme_ form of jet-lag. Actually, he was pretty sure that Death didn't just slow down or speed up the process. The versions of Death that seemed to have a particular hatred of him also appeared to have sent him in some very interesting directions instead of just straight to his destination. It was like one of those horribly jerky rides on a rollercoaster where you went all over the place at breakneck speeds (and yes, Death number 3 _had_ Portalled him at a breakneck speed. It took 4 days for him to wake up again after having to realign his neck with his spine, and he swore his head was still on an angle). While he was travelling, Death also appeared to flip through his memories. He figured that this was just its way of getting to know him when he arrived in the new dimension. He was alright with that really. What he wasn't alright with was the fact that he had to watch the replay of memories as well. Death being Death understandably focused on the moments of his life that included carnage, mayhem, massacres – anything gruesome really. So it all flashed before his eyes, like the flipping pages of a book. His parent's deaths were first, then the abuse he suffered under his relative's care, killing a man at the age of 11 and then almost dying – quite painfully I might add – at 12 because of the venom of a _fucking huge _snake. At age 13, believing that a mass murderer was after him, being attacked by soul sucking monsters and a werewolf, being defended by an over-grown bat, being re-united with his god father, and then having him ripped away, along with another man who could give him a link to his parents. Losing the man who could have set Sirius free, just because he had felt a sense of _justice_ for the bloody rat. Being forced to watch a man die in his fourth year, at the hands of the rat, being entered into a Tournament he could not escape against three older, much more competent mages. Hearing one of those mages have the Crucio cast on them, seeing another being controlled. The one he was closest to being murdered right before his eyes. Then it all started to blur together. Dumbledore dying. Being betrayed by Snape, losing Dobby, people dying, people screaming, his fault, his fault, all _his fucking fault!_ His best friend leaving, almost killed by another snake, Remus, gone, Tonks, gone, Fred, gone - sorry George, you want to talk to your best friend and other half? You can't, he's gone, and it's all Harry Potter's fault. _His fault_ for not destroying the Horcruxes in time. _His fault_ for not giving himself up.

Then the battle, death, darkness, seeing Dumbledore again, waking up. Killing Tom, poor misunderstood, lonely, _twisted_ Tom. Tom, who was just like him, all alone with only Hogwarts as his home. Talking to his friends, hugging McGonagall, the one who never stopped supporting him, seeing the Weasleys and Hermione, and having his family back. Marrying Ginny, having kids, sending them to Hogwarts, growing old and dying. And then waking up. In the middle of Pompeii. Shit. Everyone dying - including him - around 5 years after he arrived. And then, he met Death. Not something he really wanted to do, but hey, shit happens. Mainly to Harry, but oh well, nothing we can do about that. Death explained the rules, and then sent him on his merry way. This time, he was in Hawaii. That was nice, but Death didn't want to see his nice memories, oh no. Judging by the images flashing through Harry's head, it wanted to see all of the rather creative ways he had been killed over the years. Shot, stabbed, drowned - wow he sounded like Rasputin - buried alive, torched, hanged, head chopped off, head smashed in, left to bleed to death, suffocated, poisoned, etcetera, etcetera. Lovely.

And then, Harry's most recent death: being blown to bits in his last realm's Hiroshima at the end of World War Two. Wasn't that fun.

While Harry continued to complain rather loudly through his commentary at Death, it continued to search through his memories. Finally, it landed on his last talk with the last Death. Harry could feel curiosity, understanding and finally, acceptance. Something softly caressed him before whispering to him and holding him close. Harry relaxed as he began to slow down and his movements through the Void became smoother. He knew what was coming now. And he knew that his landing was gonna hurt like a bitch.


End file.
